I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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