good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am mentally ready for anal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
