No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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