She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
