Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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