You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
