i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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