quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
