You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
