sarcasm needs its own font
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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