i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
