now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
