I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
