I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
