i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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