You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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