I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
