laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
