oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
