I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
