Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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