I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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