How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
