My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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