Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
