Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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