we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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