so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
