Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
