Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
