No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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