I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
