No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
