the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
