going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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