i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
