I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
