I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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