did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
