Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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