I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
