Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
