I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
