Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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