Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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