We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
