um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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