we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
