I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
