Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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