I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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