She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
