Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
