turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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