I faked an abortion last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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